第一章 无敌腹黑
1 We Close at Ten 我们十点关门 2
2 Burglars Broke into the House 盗贼来访2
3 A Polite Horse 有礼貌的马 3
4 Have the Money 致富 3
5 The Man Is Looking for It 他正在找呢 4
6 Egges 鸡蛋 4
7 Kept Coming Back 总是飞回来 5
8 Good News and Bad News 好消息与坏消息 5
9 You Should Be Replaced 你应该被替换 6
10 How to Get a Seat by the Fire 怎样在火炉旁找个好座位 7
11 It Hurts 疼 7
12 Is He Really Ill 他真病了吗 8
13 Sharing on the Train 火车上的共享 9
14 Letter from A Fool 傻瓜来信 10
15 To Bury the Goldfish 埋金鱼 11
16 Perfect Project 完美设计 11
17 Two Hundred Times 两百遍 12
18 Who on earth Lost 到底谁输了 13
19 The Eager Beaver 工作狂 14
20 Two Soldiers 两个士兵 15
21 Fishing with a Mirror 用镜子钓鱼 17
22 A Large Hole 大水坑 18
23 A Shoebox 鞋盒 19
24 NASA Mars Mission 国航局火星计划 21
25 Two plus Two 二加二 22
26 Drunk Superman 喝醉的超人 24
第二章 萌倒童年
1 Mother and Son 母与子 28
2 Why Is He Crying 他为什么哭 28
3 Is It a Good Way 是好办法吗 28
4 Why Is Your Face So Red 你的脸为什么那么红 29
5 A Clever Girl 聪明的小女孩 29
6 A Good Box of Matches 一盒好火柴 30
7 It Was Fine This Morning 今天早晨还好着呢 30
8 I Need His Football 我需要他的足球 31
9 What do They Eat 吃什么 31
10 A Boy with a Big Head 大头娃娃 32
11 A Good Boy 好孩子 33
12 Where Is the Father 爸爸在哪儿 33
13 I Just Showed Him 我只是让他看了看 34
14 List Your Sins 列出你的过错 35
15 God’s Creations 上帝的创造 36
16 Pregnant 怀孕 37
17 Two Cents a Glass 两分一杯 38
18 Little Rock Buys the Bread 小洛克买面包 39
19 The New Baby 新宝宝 40
20 An Artist’s Daughter 画家的女儿 41
21 Lucky Mother 幸运的母亲 42
22 Why Does It Rain on the Road Too 雨为什么也要下在路上呢 43
23 She Wants to Keep Them 她想占有它们 44
24 Whose Baby Is It 谁的宝宝 46
25 Jesus Is in the Bathroom 耶稣在卫生间里 47
26 Big TroubIe 麻烦大了 49
第三章 名人趣谈
1 Before the Foundering 沉船之前 52
2 Hat 帽子 52
3 There Isn’t a Scar on Your Body 身上没有疤 53
4 1+1=1 1+1=1 53
5 1 Make Way for a Fool 给傻瓜让路 54
6 Wearing Glass 戴眼镜 55
7 Autograph 签名 55
8 You Have Already Beacome a Great Man 你已经成了伟人 56
9 What Are You Really Thinking about 你在想什么 57
10 You Should Pay Double Tuition 你应该付双倍的学费 57
11 I Have Continually to Bow 不断致意 58
12 Stamp 邮票 59
13 Borrow a Book 借书 60
14 Editor’s Reply 编辑的答复 61
15 Worn out Overcoat 爱因斯坦的破烂外套 62
16 He Bathes on Behalf of Me 他代我洗澡 63
17 Charming Girl 美女 64
18 A Strange Creature 奇怪的生物 65
19 A Humorist 一位幽默家 66
20 “The Pope Is Never Wrong”Is Not True 教皇永无过错 67
21 Elementary Knowledge 基础知识 68
22 A Story of Jimmy Durante 杜兰特的单口相声 69
23 What Did He Eat 牛顿“吃饭” 71
第四章 狗血江湖
1 My First Operation 第一次手术 74
2 Bouncing Up and Down 上下跳动 74
3 Rules for Success 成功法则 74
4 You Were Flying Too Low 飞得太低了 75
5 Introductions 介绍 75
6 Got It Again 旧病复发 76
7 I Didn’t 我没打过 77
8 First Baby 第一胎 77
9 Computer Language 计算机语言 78
10 Experience 经验 78
11 Do You Need Help 需要帮忙吗 79
12 The Last Tooth 最后一颗牙 80
13 Pregnant 怀孕 81
14 That Officer Was Not Popular 不受欢迎的长官 82
15 Surgeons 外科医生 82
16 Is She Pregnant 她怀孕了? 84
17 The Warm‐hearted Nurse 热心的护士 85
18 Appeal 上诉 86
19 The Taxi Driver and the Priest 出租车司机和牧师 87
20 A Brand‐\\new Brain 全新大脑 88
21 Traffic Accident 交通事故 89
22 A Tough Marine Sergeant 粗鲁的海军中士 90
23 How Many Can Be Discharged 多少人能出院 92
24 That’s Your Worry 那是你的事 93
25 Post Haste 紧急邮递 94
26 Old Fire Truck 旧消防车 96
27 A Smuggler 走私犯 97
28 Protect Himself 保护自己 99
29 Cover the Shadow with Sand 用沙子遮住影子 101
30 In Prison VS at Work 监狱与单位 103
第五章 亲密关系
1 I Was in Love and Didn’t Notice It 恋爱中没有注意到 108
2 I’m the Bridegroom’s Mother 我是新郎的母亲 108
3 Looking for a Husband 找个丈夫 109
4 In the Swimming Pool 在游泳池里 109
5 Marry 结婚 110
6 Be inside the Coat 我在外套里 110
7 I’m Hooked on You 我被你勾住了 111
8 Not My Daughter 不是我的女儿 112
9 Dating 约会 113
10 The Baby Will Just Like You Tomorrow 宝宝明天就像你了 113
11 Change 变化 114
12 We’re Divorced 我们已经离婚了 115
13 The New Telephone Number 新号码 116
14 It’s Too Late 太晚了 117
15 Promise or Threat 承诺还是威胁 117
16 Some Conversations on Married Life 婚姻百态 118
17 Thirty Years Younger Than Me 比我年轻三十岁 119
18 He Asked Me First 他先向我索吻了 120
19 Birthday Rose 生日玫瑰 121
20 What Are You Going to Do This Evening 你今天晚上要干什么去 123
21 A Penny Pincher 守财奴 124
22 Rejuvenation Pill 返老还童药片 125
23 My Wife Makes All Small Decisions 小事老婆说了算 126
24 Twins 双胞胎 127
25 I Had Him Buried Upside down 脸朝下埋的 129
26 Always Share 分享一切 130
27 The Perfect Husband 完美丈夫 132
第六章 最强大脑
1 I Think That I Am a Bird 我认为自己是一只鸟 136
2 Does He Bite 它咬人吗 136
3 Put the Peach Back on the Tree 把桃子放回树上去 137
4 I Did Not 我才没有 137
5 Poisonous Snakes 毒蛇 138
6 Frog 青蛙 138
7 Pose for Pictures 拍照留念 139
8 Tell Horses Apart 区分马 140
9 Space Race 太空竞赛 141
10 Chewing Gum 口香糖 141
11 Small White Rabbit Fishing 小白兔钓鱼 142
12 One for the Price of Two 一物二价 143
13 Flying Turtle 飞翔的海龟 144
14 The Ability of the Kangaroo 袋鼠的能力 145
15 Special Kiss 特殊的亲吻 146
16 Another Choice 另一个选择 147
17 Eat，Coat 大衣，你吃吧 148
18 A Boring Man 无聊之人 149
19 He Was Only Wrong by Two 他的答案只比正确答案差二 150
20 The Talking Frog 会讲话的青蛙 151
21 Hot Air Balloon 热气球 153
22 Fast Chicken 跑得飞快的鸡 154
23 Pay for the Mother 为“妈妈”埋单 156
24 Caught by Cannibals 被食人族抓住 157
25 Lion and Lady 狮子和女郎 159
26 A Fish Tale 一条鱼的故事 161
27 Special Pig 神奇的猪 162
28 Who Had the Most Tragic Death 谁死得更惨 164
第七章 急中生智
1 Handsome Man 帅哥 168
2 Fat Man and Thin Man 胖子和瘦子 168
3 Big Surprise 大吃一惊 169
4 Can Not Stop 无法停下来 169
5 The Best Stimulant 最佳兴奋剂 170
6 All Your Life 你的一生 170
7 Lawyer’s Answer 律师的回答 171
8 The Autograph 签名 172
9 A Moron 白痴 172
10 A New Employee 新职员 173
11 It’s Hard to Tell One from the Other 双胞胎难辨 174
12 The 15th Vice President 第十五位副行长 175
13 Who Should Change 谁该换？ 175
14 The Bill 账单 176
15 To Take Love More Seriously than Friendship 重色轻友 177
16 Distance 距离 178
17 I’m Calling to Report My Neighbor 检举揭发 179
18 Suitcase 手提箱 180
19 Perfect Match 绝配 181
20 What’s on Your Back 你的背上放什么东西 182
21 A New York Lawyer 一名纽约律师 184
22 The Cleverest Son 最聪明的儿子 185
23 Don’t Worry 不必担心 187
24 The Servant’s Ruse 仆人的诡计 190
25 A Rick Does Long Way 一招解决大问题 192
內容試閱：
第一章 无敌腹黑
1 We Close at Ten
Waitress,”shouted the impatient diner,“do I have to sit here
and starve all night? ”
“No, sir, we close at ten o’clock.”
我们十点关门
“服务员，”顾客不耐烦地喊道，“我必须整晚坐这儿挨饿
吗？”
“不，先生，我们十点关门。”
2 Burglars Broke into the House
Poet: Burglars broke into my house last night.
Friend: Yes? What happened?
Poet: They searched through every room, then left a $10 bill on
my bureau.
盗贼来访
诗人：“昨晚盗贼闯进了我的屋子。”
朋友：“是吗？丢了什么吗？”
诗人：“他们翻遍了每个房间，然后在我的书桌上留下了一张10美元的钞票。”
3 A Polite Horse
John: Tom, how was the horse‐iding yesterday?
Tom: Not so bad. But my horse was too polite.
John: Too polite?
Tom: Yes. When we came to a fence, he let me go first.
有礼貌的马
约翰：汤姆，昨天骑马骑得怎么样？
汤姆：不错，但我的马太有礼貌了。
约翰：太有礼貌了？
汤姆：是的。当我们要跨栏时，它让我先过去了。
4 Have the Money
“How did you plan your future？”
“I became the partner of a rich man. He had the money and I had the
experience.”
“How did that help？”
“Now he has the experience and I have the money.”
致富
“你是如何计划未来的？”
“我成为一个富人的合伙人。他有钱，我有经验。”
“那如何发挥作用？”
“现在他有经验，我有钱。”
5 The Man Is Looking for It
A little boy came home with a five‐dollar bill and said he found it.
“Are you sure it was lost?”asked his mother.
“Sure,I’m sure,”said the little boy,“I saw the man looking
for it. ”
他正在找呢
一个小男孩拿着一张5美元的钞票回到家里，他说是捡到的。
“你肯定这是别人丢的吗？”他妈妈问。
“当然，我确定，”小男孩说，“我看见那个人正在找呢。”
6 Egges
“How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard? ”
“One night I hid five eggs under a bush in my garden, and next day I let
him see me gather them. I wasn’t bothered after that. ”
鸡蛋
“你是如何让邻居把他的母鸡关在自家院子的？”
“一天夜里，我在花园的一簇灌木丛下藏了五只鸡蛋。第二天，我让他看到我把那些
鸡蛋收了起来。从那以后，我就没被打搅过。”
7 Kept Coming Back
At the insistence of a reporter, a wealthy man finally decided to
reveal the secret of success.“I first became rich by selling homing pigeons.
”he explained.
“Really?”replied the amazed reporter,“How many did you
start with?”
“Only one, ”the millionaire answered,“but he kept coming back.”
总是飞回来
在一位记者的坚持下，一名富翁最终决定透露他成功的秘密。“我起先是以卖信鸽发
家的。”他解释说。
“真的吗？”记者惊讶地反问道，“一开始你有多少只？”
“只有一只，”百万富翁回答说，“但它总是飞回来。”
8 Good News and Bad News
An artist asked the gallery owner if anyone had shown interest in his
paintings.
“I’ve got good news and bad news. ”he said,“The good news is that
some guy inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in
value after you died. When I told him it would, he
bought all 12 of your paintings.”
“And the bad news?”
“The guy was your doctor.”
好消息与坏消息
一位画家向美术馆老板打听是否有人对他的画感兴趣。
“有好消息，也有坏消息。”他说，“好消息是有人询问你的作品在你死后会不会升
值。我告诉他会的，他就把你的十二幅画全买走了。”
“那坏消息呢？”
“那家伙是你的医生。”
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